You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
