I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
