And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
