I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
