Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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