got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize