It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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