My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
