am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
