Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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