I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
