I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
