She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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