You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's always time for handjobs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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