I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
