we made out on top of his cat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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