So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
