i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
