glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tell her she can't have a vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize