Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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