Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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