You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
