I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
