I haven't been this sober since birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
