I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
