let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
