Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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