I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
