Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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