i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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