you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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