Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
