Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
