You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
