he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
