those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
whose parrot is this?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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