my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize