I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
