this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
