dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
