Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
a search helicopter?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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