Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I skipped work to stalk him.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
