I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
