I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize