my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
