Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
