Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
