Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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