It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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