I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize