1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
