# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
