Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
