Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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