I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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