I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
