i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
