I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
