Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
