Are we in a gay sports bar?
she told me i tasted like america
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize